Tonsorial Titans

In addition to displaying the potential athletic prowess of their respective homeland, a national team is also representing their fashion sense. Frankly, this is one of the most important aspect of the World Cup and its broadcast on the world stage.

As the Italian team gets its cologne on prior to a match, they also obviously spend a fair amount of time properly greasing their hair so that it gets just the right whip as they dive and throw back their heads in abject pain.

Anyone watching the Czech or Ukranian team can attest to the fact that beauty schools were not an integral part of Perestroika. Pavel “Frampton” Nedved being an exception. He is so far behind the times, that he is now leading the way. I plan on getting my hair feathered tonight to follow suit.

However, the real charm comes in the individuals, those who balk at the restrictions “society” place on one’s tonsorial expressions. This stands as a tribute to my tournament all-stars. Catch some of these guys while they are still playing.

Manuel Loco – #20 – Angola – The shaved head with only dreadlocked bangs remaining is inspired. Obviously designed to absorb sweat on his brow.

Daniel Ljuboja – #21 – Serbia and One Montenegran – reverse skunk. This plucky little forward defies global fashion by bleaching a skunk strip on the top of his head. While I have yet to figure out why, I am sure it has something to do with aerodynamics.

Emmanuel Adebayor – #4 – Togo – May not get paid by the Togo FA, but still has the money to maintain the James Brown mugshot doo.

AbdulKader Keita – #18 – Ivory Coast – In his solo appearance against Argentina, he placed some sort of ashey substance in his hair. This probably had important spiritual significance, but it appeals to me more for its Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon chic. “2-1 to Argentina, I’m getting too old for this sh*t!”

Christian Wilhemsson – #21 – Sweden. Best for last. In complete defiance for all social conventions, Mr. Wilhemsson has opted for a rattail. Not just any run-of-the-mill-rattail to be found behind the wheel of a primered El Camino and framed by a Raiders jersey, but an ultra-modern Jedi chic exclamation point on his individuality. Clearly, the victor he is.


One Response

  1. Sweet. I look at Loco and I think “Ronaldo 2002 meets Frank Rijkaard”. Lat chance to see him (probably) in the morning, and I’ll be savoring it.

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