My Alumni Bring All the Boys to the Yard

The season appraoaches.  Message boards fire bright with balding oafs clad in mustard stained shirts that commemorate the most recent bowl success of their beloved team.  Sportswriters begin sharpening their blunt wit to a not so fine and chipped edge somewhere to the right of rapier.  ESPN and FoxSports analysts get ready to discredit and disregard all things PAC-10.  I can see it in the distance, getting closer.

     Likely, this has been done by someone else, but originality is as overrated as being on time to work.  Focusing on the PAC-10 today, I shall seek to silence debates on the most worthwhile alma mater by taking a long detailed look at each schools best alumni.  A few rules – no Nobel Prize winners, Statesmen (or Stateswomen), or athletes will be considered.  This is strictly for those crazy diamonds who shine on for us via mass media, the  species – Homo Celebritus

UNIVERSITY OF ARIZONA

geraldoriverafnc2004.jpg Geraldo himself.

Years of promise leading to a decade of notoriety followed by years of irrelevance…

ARIZONA STATE

drrey.jpg Dr. 90210

Garrish, Sweaty, Overrated and not fun to watch

CAL

509px-truffle_shuffle.jpg Chunk

Always to be remembered for a great moment in the early 80’s.  Apparently doing well, but I don’t care.

OREGON

wkrp_jennifer_and_johnny.jpg Dr. Johny Fever, The pimp from Dr. Detroit, and Charlie Moore – the only man capable of keeping Dennis, Arvid and Jawaharlal in line.

(With respect and reverence to a true Oregon hero) perenially dated.  Also – never the same since the moustache went away. 

OREGON STATE

meredithphillips.jpg some girl from The Bachelorette

Lame, uncreative and still relishing fleeting success based not on worth but on an ugly era

STANFORD

pintauro_wtb.jpg The Right Honorable Danny Pintauro – Jonathon Bower to you

We always kind of knew

UCLA

flamingrodmarkharmon.jpg Mr. Freddy Shoop, Chainsaw’s Sensei

Tanned and self-impressed.  Lots of success to call upon, but little in the medium that really matters

USC

tedmcginley.jpg Stanley Gable would have wanted to do it on the Moon

Omniprescent and also well tanned.  Ala Happy Days, The Love Boat, Dynasty, and the last few years of the PAC-10 – his appearance and prominence indicates that everything around him as gone down hill.

WASHINGTON

121905kennyg.jpghusky.jpg

Pure F*cking Evil

WASHINGTON STATE

keithjack.jpg

Between him and Edward R. Murrows, Gary Larson and the guy who wrote and directed Smoke Signals, I am going to have to remain sheepishly quiet…

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3 Responses

  1. Closing the loop here, did you know that Mark Harmon played Ted Bundy in a tv movie in 1986? True.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Harmon

  2. The actor who played Urkel went to UCLA as well, apparently.

    And if you really want to close the loop, Mark Harmon is currently coaching the University of Georgia under the stage name Mark Richt.

  3. Urkel? So he did. As long as we’re on the subject of stars of iffy sitcoms, li’l Ricky Schroeder was a freshman at USC at the same time I was… rumor had it that he moved out of the dorms after getting his ass kicked for being li’l Ricky Schroeder.

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