Hopeless EPL Predictions (Part 2)

Just under the wire for tomorrow’s start…

Man U – having a really hard time deciding in United are bubbling under, ready to explode, or if they have simply lost it.  Currently, I am having a hard time believing that the Fletchers, Carricks, Miller’s, O’Shea’s are really the second coming of Beckam, Scholes, Keane, and Pallister, but what do I know.  I do know that they need a center forward.  Rooney is obviously very good, but he, like every other footballing “genius” who begins to believe the hype, wants to play deeper as a no. 10 and orchestrate the show.  If it took Bergkamp years to get there, old brick for brains isn’t exactly going to tear it up.  I don’t buy Saha as good enough to replace Ruud.  Prediction – 4th place.  still better than most.

Middlesbrough – Gareth Southgate to be manager…that’s all I have to say on the matter.  Prediction – 17th.  Toothy leads them to a dismal winter break, gets sacked and is replaced by Terry Venables who barely saves them.

Newcastle – Glenn Roeder managed to sink a very good West Ham.  Somehow, he got the confidence of Alan Shearer (the only way to succeed as Newcastle manager) and that helped him.  Damien Duff is a nice addition and Solano is back, but it is still Glenn Roeder.  Prediciton – 14th.  secured late on. 

Portsmouth – Seriously with David James, Sol Campbell, Kanu, David Thompson (still remember him crying when he got sent off after transferring to Coventry in the late 90’s), and Glenn Johnson, Portsmouth is the who’s who or Premiership hasbeens.  Predicition – 9th based on some early momentum and good motivational manangement from Redknapp.  They will get relegated the following season though.

Reading – Have to claim some ignorance on these guys.  I know that they have John Oster who played for Everton and Aston Villa and excelled in being useless, especially in FIFA 99.  I know they have two Americans – Hanneman and Convey.  After that, I’m done.  Prediction – 18th.  Sometimes the team who dominates the old 1st division, is none to successful in the Premiership, Forest in 98-99 comes to mind.  I have NOTHING else to back this up with.

Sheffield United – The original United returns to the top flight…again, don’t know much.  I have been impressed with Michael Tonge and Phil Jagielka in FA Cup matches.  I think that they can stay solid with some Route 1 and spirit, which will definitely be provided by Neil Warnock, who, if i remember correctly, is a life long Blades fan, as are Joe Elliot and Rick Allen of Def Leppard.  Prediciton – 15th.  Flying blind.

Tottenham – Carrick leaving, leaves a little room to fill, but tons of cash so to do.  Regardless of that, they still have a midfield that can boast Edgar Davids, Jermaine Jenas, Danny Murphy and Aaron Lennon.  This with Robbie Keane and Jermaine Defoe (should they decide to actually start him) plus Paul Robinson in goal.  Not too shabby.  Prediction – 5th.  Probably about as high as Tottenham will go for quite a while.

Watford – Yet again, only know so much.  I know Marlon King did time (two days) for stealing a car.  I know Malky Mackay from his time at Celtic and Norwich.  I know that much.  However, they play in red, yellow and black which is fine by me, Elton John was their chairman, and Ginger Spice is a fan.  Predicition – 14.  Switch it with Reading if you like.

West Ham – Good players, likeable manager, some good breaks and a good start.  Prediction – 7th.  Nothing to back it up.  Just gut.

Wigan – Paul Jewell.  Bradford defied critics by staying up years ago, then Jewell left before he was found out and they were relegated.  Bullard is gone and I read that Chimbonda was leaving…I think they will be found out and have some rough breaks.  Prediciton – 20th.  Someone has to be there.

Either way, these are all wrong, but I relish discovering how wrong I will be.


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