Frank Broyles is leaving Arkansas, this much we know, and so the Hawgs need a new boss, same as the old boss, in order to help maintain duplicitous relations with players, coaches, and alumni, while fitting into a local political culture that is… primitive and not for the faint of heart.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I have a solution for you: recently resigned Liberian Minister of Public Works, Willis Knuckles (no relation to Frankie). Mr Knuckles is available for work immediately in the wake of his resignation, something to do with photographs of him getting busy with two young ladies being published in the local rag… Okay, so we may need to put a bromide in his morning coffee, but still, he’s got some qualifications.
First of all, he has an SEC name.
Secondly, as local (to Monrovia) journalist Omari Jackson points out, Knuckles’ experience is actually in sport administration:
it was Knuckles’ administration as the Vice Chairman of the Liberia Football Association, under the late president Samuel Doe that Liberia’s soccer talents came to light. The nation’s legendary soccer stars including super star and world renown George Weah, James Debbah, Kervin Sebwe, Jonathan Sogbie (Boye Charles), Pewou Bestman, and a host of others all came to light because of the consistent and effect administrative supervision of Mr. Knuckles at the LFA.
As an administrator, Knuckles was consistent with policies of the LFA administration. He lived by every policy decision of the football association and he introduced youth soccer throughout Liberia. He was careful with the finances of the football association. During his tenure as the vice chairman, Liberian clubs participated in continental and sub-regional competitions. His effective administrative performance ensured that the association’s finances were judiciously used.
With the best will in the world, a background in African national football association suggests that Mr Knuckle’s talents are rather more dubious than described, given the general corruption of the game (corruption too basic to take the form of promotional deals and the like). Plus, being in charge of anything under Samuel Doe — an era of mass rape, mutilations, and opponent’s testicles being mounted on a jeep for presentation about town — suggests that Mr Knuckles can wield some old school — maybe even old Testament — authority, which ought to go down well in that part of the world.
So, to summarize, Mr Knuckles:
- Has a sports administration background
- Probably has a knack for byzantine financial transactions
- Might not be averse to the torture of minors
All in all, I think it has to be Willis Knuckles for Arkansas, even in Nutt’s nuts will head to a quiet corner of the old body cavity, just in case.