The Rose Bowl, Act the Firste

Editorial Note: I didn’t have any particular insight into the Rose Bowl wherein USC worked over Illinois, so plainly the thing to do is a literary re-interpretation of the game. Each quarter will get its own post… once I get round to writing the other three. Parody is hard, y’all.

The Rose Bowl, Act the First.

Enter Emeril, a Jester Chef, a referee, and the Players from USC and Illinois

Emeril: POW!

Referee: Hush, the Jester Chef approaches, for the tossing of the ceremonial silver

[Emeril flips a coin.]

Referee: Indeed Dame Fortune does not smile upon the Illini, who must defer to the merciless Hordes of the West!

A Trojan: Faith, ’tis not just to describe us as merciless, when we but tackle as commanded

Referee: Argue not, young Trojan, lest I throw a call to the Illini later

A Trojan: Whatevs, faithless referee, thy lords in Connecticut demand fealty and you shall throw no flags

Referee: [to the audience] Indeed it is so, I must be true to my commands. In truth, it is no hardship; though I hate to bow to the Trojans, richly do I love to torment the Bruins.

A Trojan: We shall defer to the Illini, if only out of curiosity.

[Exeunt]

[Upon the sideline of the Illini]

Zook: Fear not, my brave sons of Chief Illiniwek, the spread offense shall leave these Trojans stricken in our wake, and powerless to prevent our advance [headbutts a camera stand.]

Juice Williams: Though it is not my place to argue, Sire, hath thou not noticed their Samoan Warrior? He speaks little, but his actions reveal his contempt for those such as myself

Zook: He has contempt but no control, young man, and will whisper past you as a spring breeze in his over-commitment

Juice Williams: so be it sire, and if not, I have faith in my brother Mendenhall

Mendenhall: I am not fooled, sire, by the gaudy colors across the field, they are soft and know the fear of trees and ducks. They shall not stop me.

Zook: It is well that you have faith, younglings, go forth and conquer.

[Across the field]

Pete Carroll: Angels, there is no fear, only joy. There are no excuses, only actions. Fly to the ball, be at their ankles as a starved hound, push them aside as if they were the first shoots of wheat in the spring fields – they shall not stop us.

All: Fight ON!

[The ball is kicked off].

Third verse, same as the first

There hasn’t been much point in adding my 2 cents’ worth about USC’s season. Plenty of people have identified injuries, penalties, and sone questionable play calling as being the difference between a season that’s heralded versus treated with either befuddlement or disdain depending on how much you 1) thought USC would do well and 2) were upset by that assumption. The game-by-game melodies may vary, but the overall structure of the composition remains consistent.

Odds are that SC will not go to a major bowl, and given their erratic play, that might be just as well. A lot of people made noises of disdain about losing to Stanford, but in some regards they did SC  a favor by getting a team that had no business in the top tier out of that tier. Plus, Stanford’s not really a rival, and Pritchard will dine out for many years on the strength of that game. That latter part is what being a college athlete should be about.

In the meantime, the defense is looking good, the receivers are starting to make some catches, and Mark Sanchez shows real passion for playing for SC – hopefully that will translate into a more dynamic approach from next year’s starter… I like JDB a great deal but I think we could do to switch to someone a little less laconic for next year. I’ll be interested to see how the year turns out… I expect them to struggle with and beat Cal and UCLA, and lose to Arizona State… which probably means that exactly the opposite will happen.

There’s a reason I don’t test my prognostication with the pitiless assessment of the bookies.

A win’s a win, for a’that…

So much to my great surprise, Scotland won again in Euro 2008 qualification play, beating Ukraine 3 – 0. While they are a little short-staffed for the mid-week game in Georgia, they are close enough to qualifying that a win against Georgia and a draw against Italy would see them through. That’s a bit of a tall order, but not completely out of the question – after all, who would have thought that Scotland would beat France twice? Highlights below, following this happy thought from Alex McLeish:

Kenny Miller’s fourth-minute header from McFadden’s free-kick to the near post and Lee McCulloch’s clinical finish from another textbook set-piece, this time delivered by Ferguson, were reward for the adventure McLeish had stressed away from public ears. They were also a reflection of an exuberant team that has forgotten how to win ugly. McLeish admitted: “They were belters. It is pretty beautiful to watch, although I couldn’t care if one went in off somebody’s arse on Wednesday night.”

[Youtube=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yi_wDBx78t4″%5D

As for USC, they managed to lose poll places for narrowly winning at Arizona… and never mind the lack of style points, they are so banged up from injuries that any reasonable person would have to conclude that they could very easily feel lucky to only lose 3 more games in conference play. However, a win’s a win, no matter how closely fought. The Arizona players made comments about how the mystique is gone and they nearly had they game – but you didn’t, did you, gentlemen, despite playing an O-line that’s got scout team players in the mix.

One true bright spot though – Joe McKnight finally showed what he’s capable of, if he can get a little room to run through the opposition’s defensive line. The second highlight run was most interesting because he doesn’t look like he’s going all that fast, but the Arizona players catching him have their legs going 19 to the dozen… the last player I can think of that I saw running like that in a college game, where he didn’t look fast even as he left people in the dust, was the dreaded Vince Young. I’m not saying that McKnight is going to be that successful or dominant, but that’s the kind of running back I want to see playing for SC.

Lag time between posts? You make sense of this

It’s been a while since I’ve had anything to say on sports. Real life has been interfering with viewing sports. Furthermore, my usual mode – enduring Scotland’s futbol, and enjoying USC’s games, has been turned on its head. What do I make of a 30 day period that includes this…

and this…

Seriously, what the hell?

Huskers Do… cause bad puns

Editorial Note: cross-posted from Conquest Chronicles.

Taking a look at the game against Nebraska from the standpoint of a Husker, this is what I’d be looking for from my team:

1. Run the ball: Sure SC has a pretty strong D-line, but the linebackers are prone to over-pursuing. With an average running back, that might not get you much, but Marlon Lucky isn’t an average running back. If Lucky can break a few long runs, it helps open up opportunities to pass as well.
2. Don’t be afraid to pass: SC’s secondary isn’t great across the board, and Pinkard’s out with a torn ACL. Buy Keller some time, and he should be able to make some passes. Plus Lucky can take a short pass and make it into a long reception.

Either way, I suppose what I’m really saying is get the ball to Lucky.

1. Consistency: the Huskers were strong against the rush and weaker against the pass – relatively speaking – before reversing it against Wake. If I had to focus on something, it would be stuffing the run and forcing Booty into as many mental errors as possible. Worked for a certain team in powder blue, after all.

If I were a Husker, this is what I would be worried about:

1. What happens if SC does stuff the run and force Nebraska to the air? Or, what if playing the percentage game fails and Nebraska gets behind? Because if you need either consistency or points in a hurry…
2. Keller hasn’t been firing on all cylinders yet. He could run amok against the SC secondary, or he could be throwing gifts to them all day. He might even do both in the same series. You just don’t know.
3. Playing into SC’s hands: stuffing the run and counting on the strength of the secondary hasn’t worked all that well for Michigan in recent Rose Bowls.

What I wouldn’t be worried about, if I were a Husker, would be a blow-out… the teams are stronger than that, on paper at least.

Last weekend’s results, just in time for this weekend

(Cross-posted from Conquest Chronicles, a revival of last season’s post weekend review of what USC’s season opposition got up to in their games.)

Nebraska throttled Nevada, 52 – 10. The Huskers rolled up 625 yards of offense, of which 413 were rushing yards… easy to achieve when Marlon Lucky posts 233 yards and 3 touchdowns. Sam Keller was 14 / 5 for 193 yards, 1 TD, and 1 INT. Nevada managed 108 yards passing and 77 yards of rushing. The guys at SBN’s Corn Nation liked what they saw. That kind of power running and stout defense is going to make for an interesting game on the 15th.

Washington State traveled to Madison and lost 42 – 21 to Wisconsin. Wazoo kept it respectable through the third, when they were down 28 – 21, but the Badgers scored 2 TDs in the 4th to close the game down. The Cougars were fairly close to the Badgers in the running game – 157 to 182 – but got killed in the passing game, 328 to 426. (This is Wisconsin we’re talking about, right?) Wazoo went 6 – 14 on third down conversions to Wisconsin’s 11 – 15. I’m guessing that the Coug’s D was gassed by the 4th quarter. If Turner is healthy and either Hazelton or Ausberry step up, that could be a long game for the Cougs.