Genuinely baffled about Gerrard

I’m not prone to the levels of hagiography that a lot of the English press crank out for Steven Gerrard – while there’s no question about his motivation and ball skill, I just don’t see him as being in that top level of midfielder who can either see the field to drive the team forward or take over a game. He’s very good at his best, but not superlative.

That said, he’s also about the last person I’d expect to see in the nick over actual bodily harm and affray. If the reports are true that it was over a DJ’s unwillingness to play Gerrard’s faves (Phil Collins and Coldplay), I could see an argument to be made for assault on unsuspecting listeners, but Gerrard has never struck me as the type to knock someone about in the fashion of Joey Barton.

Pardon me for being a patronizing middle class twat, but it always looked to me like Gerrard had managed to maintain something of the best part of a working class consciousness – of finding joy in the game he played on a concrete estate, of caring about the reaction of the fans, of paying attention to kids from similar backgrounds – without any accompanying ASBO nonsense. It just seems out of character. Baffling, even. It’ll be interesting to see what the actual story / stories might be.

Britain’s streets are that much safer

Joey Barton, erstwhile book reviewer for this site, was sentenced to six months’ jail time for assault and affray. This was for an assault on two people in Liverpool last December, as opposed to his pending case for beating the shit out of former Manchester City team-mate Ousmane Dabo, whom he jumped from behind. It wasn’t clear if his female cousin, who had egged him on to the fight, got jail time as well.

Apparently Barton has sought help for his drinking issues (he was 12 pints in when he got in the Liverpool fight) but he was presumably sober when he went for Dabo on the training ground. Mind you, this is the same man who stubbed out a lit cigar on the eyelid of a Manchester City youth player, so who knows?
I understand that alcohol problems cause people to act in inappropriate ways, and I understand that it’s possible that Barton was provoked, but he’s got a clear trail of battered people in his wake, and it’s high time that he’s held responsible for his actions. Perhaps he’ll get a lesson while he’s in the hoosegow about what it’s like to be on the receiving end of a right kicking. Or perhaps he’ll learn what Duncan Ferguson did after 44 days in the Bar-L for headbutting an opposing defender – stick to assaulting burglars.

Luis Aragones watches F1 racing – who knew?

Charming story about groups of Spanish Formula One fans – apparently unhinged by “mistreatment” by McLaren of gigantic cry-baby Fernando Alonso – taking the time to go and watch Lewis Hamilton practice at the Circuit de Catalunya. Charming, inasmuch as they did it in blackface, brought along banners with racist slogans, and cracked out some racist chants.

The Spanish Racing Federation was at least better able than the Football Federation to issue a suitably indignant press release:

“The Federation wants to show its absolute repulsion at these incomprehensible incidents and demonstrate its support and solidarity for the McLaren team and especially their driver Lewis Hamilton,” said a statement.

“This type of idiots that are confusing sporting rivalry with violence should be aware that the Federation has a zero-tolerance approach to this issue.”

And rightly so.

What a bunch of scumbags – I suppose they’d mugged enough illegal African immigrants that they had the money for tickets and some boot black.

I wonder how many of them can be found at the Camp Nou cheering for Samuel Et’o, Thierry Henry, and Ronaldinho?

This is an improvement over man-dog sex?

I thought that, perhaps, when Rick Santorum was shown the door by Pennsylvania voters, the body politic was well rid of his dirty mind, always thinking about people mounting their dogs and the like. Alas, Arlen Specter is taking up the standard of asinine statements, but hasn’t the decency to bring the crazy with it.

The good Senator wants to know why the NFL destroyed the tapes that the Patriots used in the first game of the season against the Jets, and is muttering about reviewing the NFL’s anti-trust exemption.

Let me give you a little hint, for free, Senator: give it a rest already. Nobody cares except for the asterisk crowd, and they don’t need you in order to feel superior.

The economy is falling apart, people are losing their homes because they can’t afford the debt payments on their gall bladder surgery / 60″ plasma (delete according to political preference), the nation’s infrastructure is falling apart, we’re in two wars, Britney Spears has only just now been committed for mental health treatment, and this is what you’re worried about?

Perhaps the good senator is pissed about the Eagles and Steelers not being in the big game this year. He must be a big fan of the NFL, right?

In the meantime, Specter said he might miss Sunday’s big game.

“I may play squash while it’s on,” Specter said.

There speaks a man of the people, earning his $163,000 per annum.

Editorial News: Barton Book Reviews Cancelled

In light of Joey Barton’s recent arrest and apparent inability to avoid either McDonald’s or beating the shit out of people, we’ve decided to cancel our agreement for further book reviews. Frankly, most of the reviews that we were receiving were of at best politically dubious validity, or of “top shelf” magazines. The combined lack of imagination in the reviews (condensed version: “I like tits.”) and the OLI, ILO* rule governing what’s allowed in said magazines from the UK, rendered them of little interest. He has also failed both to comment upon continental titles acquired for him, and to return same. Actually, we don’t want them back at this juncture.

*Outer labia in, inner labia out.

Fuck you Manuel Mejuto González

(Editorial note: if you would like to see a reasonable response to the game, go here. If you want to see demented emoting, read on.)

FUCK you, Manuel Mejuto González, you FUCKING BASTARD. I suppose you had to have some shit officiating throughout – the iffy ruling against the Italians’ second goal, the no-penalty against Italy for the handball in the box, the penny-ante non-fouls against Scotland – so that when you fucking threw the fucking game to the Italians with no fucking time left for Scotland to at least try for an equalizer, people wouldn’t wonder just how much fucking money you took from the Italians.

If Scotland had just lost on their own merits, I’d have said fair enough, but to lose after a fucktacularly awful fucking call – that’s the fucking limit. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Someone should have a look at your bank account, you fucking bastard. It’s not like Italy is free of people who have skills in rigging sporting events.

Wanted: for fucking awful refereeing.

It’s not that I don’t like refs, Manuel Mejuto González, no-one’s perfect. But the timing of that call was like asking a girl, hey, do you mind if I give you a poke in the arse, and when she reacts with stunned silence, poking it in dry anyway. That was dry-fucking rectum- robbery, Manuel Mejuto González, so fuck you fuck you fuck you. Fuck you.

Editorial note: I waited until I calmed down before I started to write this. In case I am accused of lacking historical perspective, or indeed any perspective, certainly MacFadden could have scored a second goal instead of shooting wide, but that in itself wouldn’t have saved them from Gonzalez’s fucking awful decision. No, I think the historical perspective we need is this:

It wasn’t enough that Spain was the home of the Inquisition, it wasn’t enough that Spain massacred the natives throughout Latin America, it wasn’t enough that they built an empire on theft, it wasn’t that they were so fucking lazy that they didn’t even pretend that their theft was trade, it wasn’t enough that Spain got a head start on European fascism and the Nationalists allowed the Nazis to practice dive bombing on civilian populations. No, you had to go and crush the dreams of a small country that for the first time in nearly 10 years had fielded a decent team and had OUTPLAYED the world cup winners for most of the game. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. Fuckity fuckity fuckity fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

As long as we’re keeping score here, you know who else I blame? The English. If they had finished off the Armada properly, this might never have happened.

Anyway. In conclusion, Manuel Mejuto González, fuck off, you fucking useless bastard, for pulling the fucking rug out from under Scotland. If ever there was a referee who had earned a sharpened 50 pence piece or an empty Bucky bottle to the head, it was you* – you should feel lucky that was the Tartan Army and not an Old Firm crowd, you jamon-guzzling**, paella-snorting**, rioja-sipping**, thieving, cheating bastard.

* Of course this isn’t serious – no ref should be physically harmed for their decisions, no matter how ludicrous, or Mr Gonzalez would have been at risk from supporters of both sides. A bit of verbal abuse, however…

** Just in case you’ve got this far and were wondering, I don’t actually mind the Spanish. I like jamon, paella, and rioja. Perhaps years of having to put up with English tourists and retirees on the Costa Del Sol might push a man over the edge. But I prefer to think that Manuel Mejuto González is a useless bastard.

Benfica baddie borderline buggers Brown

It’s not often I find myself howling in protest when someone tries to knobble a Celtic player, but this is not just a crack at a Celtic player…

As my esteemed co-author suggested in an email:

If I were the conspiratorial type, i would be checking this other players bank statement to see if he received any lump sum payments from an italian source.

This is beyond the Old Firm, this is a chance at proper football in a proper tournament. Don’t harsh on our mellow, midfield enfor cers! Leave them alone until after the match against Italy!!!!!

Teaching by example

So plainly a lot of good high school football players go to SC to compete at a high level, and to possibly get a shot at playing in the NFL – and a number of SC’s coaches have NFL playing experience to share.

Hopefully, however, running backs coach Todd McNair is only demonstrating on-field NFL-caliber behavior, as opposed to drawing in his prior experience in animal abuse.  It’s been a while, Mr McNair, so please keep it that way.

Materazzi sues for libel

In a world gone mad, you can always count on Marco Materazzi to brighten your day – in this case by suing three English newspapers for libel, on the grounds that they never retracted any stories claiming that the famous Zidane headbutting incident was triggered by remarks about mothers or terrorism (or terrorist mothers…).

BBC NEWS | UK | Materazzi issues World Cup writs

Materazzi is seeking damages at the High Court from the Sun, the Daily Mail and the Daily Star over claims about what the Italian had said to Zidane. His lawyer, Steven Heffer, said: “He is taking legal action to clear his name.” Mr Heffer added: “Marco Materazzi is issuing claims in the High Court against three newspapers, the Sun, the Daily Mail and the Daily Star for damages for libel and an injunction.

I wonder if this counts as a tricky one, from a legal standpoint, inasmuch as Materazzi is not claiming that there was no provocation – but instead that he was talking about Zidane’s sister, not his mother. Admitting to general ass-hattery might be a cunning plan indeed; no-one would believe that there was no provocation, but challenging papers on the grounds that they misrepresented what kind of a jackass you are could be a winner.

Mayhem in Copenhagen, or, stick to shouting at the referee

Anyone who reads this site and the Guardian’s Football Unlimited site knows that I am really only providing the Reader’s Digest version of their work. However, since they don’t seem to have anything up still about an incident from a Euro 2008 qualifier last weekend, as discussed on their weekly podcast, I shall have to cut and paste from elsewhere:

Denmark fought back from three goals down to draw 3-3 with Sweden in a
Euro 2008 Group F qualifier on Saturday which was abandoned a minute
from time after a fan attacked referee Herbert Fandel.

Apparently it had been a hell of a game, and the crowd has been in a good mood — fueled by a boozy fan fest beforehand – until things got a little out of hand… specifically after Christian Poulsen gave someone a right punch in the gut, and was given a red card for it:

The controversy began moments earlier when Sevilla midfielder Poulsen
was shown a straight red card for punching Sweden striker Markus
Rosenberg in the stomach.
The visitors were also awarded a penalty, but the spot-kick was never
taken as the match ended in turmoil with the scores level at 3-3.
Poulsen has now asked for forgiveness for his part in the events.
‘I was involved in a tussle with the Swedish player, who I felt had
provoked me twice. I saw red and I hit him,’ said Poulsen.
‘I would like to apologise to my team-mates and the general public.
It’s the most stupid thing I’ve ever done.
‘(Denmark coach) Morten Olsen told me afterwards there’s no place on
this stage for this sort of thing and I have to agree. It happened at a
time when we’d pulled back Sweden’s lead and were in the driving seat.
I can’t condone it.’

The punch itself however was only the catalyst as an enraged Danish fan attempted to demonstrate via fisticuffs that he thought the red card was a poor decision:

The drunken Danish fan who attacked referee Herbert Fandel who then
abandoned Saturday’s Euro 2008 qualifier between Denmark and Sweden,
apologised to his countrymen for spoiling their chances of making it to
next year’s finals.
‘I so want to say I’m sorry to everyone in Denmark. I spoiled a
fantastic evening for so many,’ the 29-year-old Dane told Danish paper
Ekstra Bladet in an interview.
The man, identifed only as ‘R’ by the paper, cannot be named for legal
reasons but said at a court hearing he had drunk 15 to 18 beers before
the match and had little memory of the actual incident.
He did remember he was angered by Fandel handing a red card to
Denmark’s Chritian Poulsen and wanted to tell the referee his decision
to dismiss the player was ‘nonsense’.
Denmark had rallied from 3-0 down to 3-3 but the match was abandoned in
the 89th minute when he jumped over the low fence at the Parken Stadium
and headed straight for Fandel just after he awarded Sweden a late
penalty.
He then struck out at the referee, before he was fended off by Danish
players. He made it back to the stands before being seized by match
stewards and later police.

Being used to some quarters of the English press laughing off that sort of thing, I was a little taken aback at the Danish press reaction:

‘42,000 spectators were witnesses to Danish football’s black
day. A day where Denmark’s self-image as a restrained and decent
football crowd was jeopardised by a fool without self control,’ Jyllands-Posten wrote on Sunday.

Now I’m confused – isn’t this the same country that fielded my favorite thug player after Duncan “disorderly” Ferguson, the peerless Stig Tofting? Why are the supporters being held to a higher standard?

Anyway, it remains to be seen whether FIFA will forfeit the game to Sweden, recognize the draw, or schedule a replay. Presumably mystery fan “R” will remain in Sweden – for indeed that is where he is resident – and give the Danes a chance at finishing out the game…

ESPNsoccernet – Euro 2008 – D’mark 3-3 Sweden: Game abandoned after attack

ESPNsoccernet – Euro 2008 – Poulsen contrite after Sweden mayhem

ESPNsoccernet – Euro 2008 – Danish fan regrets drunken attack on referee